Not Always You Have a Choice…

People say you always have a choice it is what we decide. Did I have a choice??? I think of it everyday before I sleep. Twelve years ago, I was fourteen it is very difficult to be raised without a mother especially if you are a girl. I was trying hard to study for my exams, I had my first periods and it was really irritating me. I sat on the bed crumbled, squeezing my tummy gazing at the biology textbook. I knew I was going to flunk for the first time.

It was time for dinner my dad entered my room to check on me. I was in terrible pain. I wore a pink short and white T with lavender flowers on it. He sat next to me and said, "what happened?" Two years ago my mother had passed away, since then I had nobody else to share my feelings and my thoughts, for me it was always my dad.

"May be I should look", he said. I didn't know what to say but before I could think of an answers I was sitting half naked, I was week I had never seen so much blood in my life and was feeling very dizzy. I was literally bleeding. I didn’t know what was going on, seconds later I laid naked on the ground. I could feel a terrible pain in my abdomen my dad was above me I was crying in pain. He never stopped I begged him repeatedly. That ten min was my longest ten min when he stood up. It was burning I had no tears left. Everything around me was spinning. I saw him walk out of my room he was in blood too. I fell unconscious.

When I woke up, I learnt that I was unconscious for two days. I had flunked my exams. I was scared I never spoke a word about what had happened. Things had changed in my life; from that day whenever my dad entered my room I knew what was going to happen. I found it really tough in the beginning. I wondered doesn't he ever give up; instead it got worst he bought me nightwear cloths, which I never felt comfortable, but I was asked to wear them at home. Every night was a nightmare for me. Until one day I had decided, I ran away... far away where nobody found me I was sixteen.

It was raining terribly I stepped out of the train at the last station, the board indicated Mumbai. I had eloped with 2000 Rs in hand. Five min to nine showed the station clock, I walked in the rain; I didn't know where I was going. I was scared... but I had no turning back. I was looking for some shelter to sleep and decide the rest in the morning. I don’t know how long I had walked when suddenly a car came and stopped in front of me. Four men stepped out they were drunk. One of the bald men said something in Marathi before he dragged me inside the Qualis. I didn’t fight back I don’t know why, I wondered all men in this world are the same; my cloths were torn and thrown outside. I had started to hate all men now. Was it wrong to be born as women? I felt I was a sinned. Four hours passed. They had burned my breast and thighs with cigar, yet I had not uttered a word. Finally they pushed me on the street from the moving car. I fell in front of a bus stop naked.

When I woke up, I was in the hospital. 2 girls in the 20s and a man stood next to me, by the looks I could make out the man was transgender. I was in a local hospital they had bribed the doctor to first aid me. I was discharged on the same day. They took me to their house I struggled to walk. When I reached I realized they were sex-workers. One of the girls asked me if I had any relatives who would come for me. I looked at her she was pretty and beautiful she smiled at me as she sat besides me. She asked me again “where are your parents?” I busted out into tears, I cried out loud till my throat went dry. I was gasping for my breath; none of them spoke till I stopped. I guess they knew what I was feeling. Very soon I realized they had experienced similar situations in their life we were no different. That day I decided, I had only one choice; if I was the sin then I will use myself for my living. I moved into their family, they were my sister’s, I had a family if not blood relative somebody who was better then my dad.

It has been twelve years since then, I don’t know what happened to my dad, I never wanted to know. But I always wondered whether my mother was watching me, I didn’t know what she would have felt looking at what I was doing but I was sure she would be happy for whatever I am doing.

I just consoled myself that she will understand my situation before I dozed off, that night I met my mother she was smiling at me she gave me a tight hug and said “its over dear”. I wondered if it was a dream. I looked down I saw my sisters crying. I was dead.... HIV. But there was a question that remained a mystery in me “did I have a choice?”

Article By

Prajwal K V

How Short can a Life be...!!!

Friday afternoon, after a heavy lunch it is really troublesome to sit in front of the system and code. however I have decided to take some time off and write my long awaited article. I just realized its been a year since I last published my work... well I guess I never found some time for my passion, that's why people say women are such a distraction.

Men we cant live with out women or can we live with them. well you must have guessed it rite I am single again and its time for me to do what I like the most. this write up is a true story I encountered in my sixty Days of what people call as paid collage (TCS ILP Training).

I was riding my new Bullet with my friends, we had hit the road to Madikeri (coorg). I was listening to "I,m into u" by JLo, it was strange that my Music player's volume kept increasing and started to vibrate in a weird manner... 05:00 Am my alarm danced on my bed. It was the month of October, winter was intense then. I could barely open my eyes, my dreams were shattered. I had to get ready; seven was my office.

last night's party had knocked me out; I still had the hang over, I was running late. I some how managed to peek in with out anybodies notice, I spotted a corner seat next to a girl. she looked in her yearly 20's, skinny and dark; well not exactly dark, brown to be precise. I grabbed my stuff and switched on my system, I could barely sit. twenty minutes passed I turned to check this girl out pretending to be stretching. she had beautiful eyes, black in color and bright. Her pointed nose suited her long face and broad lips, she had long wavy hair. she was not actually skinny like I had first realized.

"We have to work in pairs Mr Prashant told me before u came" she said as I was scanning her temple areas.

did she see me checking her out what a jerk I had been. I looked down trying to cover up then I looked at her eyes again. she smiled at me "I am Rashmi". she had a very commanding voice yet sweet. still recalling from my humiliating act I replied "I'm Prajwal, so what are we to do then?" trying to sound a little flirty.
"No idea" she snapped as she turned to her monitor.

for the second time in a day I had felt like a jerk already. we didn't speak after that she just minded her business. I headed to the mens room it was break time. though I do not understand much telugu, I knew enough to understand that I was the topic in the washroom. I couldn't resist my eagerness to find out what was going on.

"hey machaa... your partner is married man, she has a baby also... hahaha".

alright now I knew why I was the laughing stack. but then it didn't really matter to me. I didn't say any thing to any of those flocks, at that time their was something else running in my mind; I know a lot of people who have been married in their collage times, but having a baby???

During the lunch break I enquired more about her. she was married at the age of 18 in her first year of engn. and in her second year she was carrying. I found it very hard to digest the fact of carrying and attending collage. how in-human must her husband have been and what sort of parents was she having.

The following days the way I looked at her and spoke to her had changed. Although she never spoke anything about her personal life to me. We did interact as normal friends I started to help her out in all ways I could. I had noticed she never wore any toe ring nor she wore the sacred chain(Mangalyam); all I could see was a pair of gold bangles that married women normally wear. I knew she used to go home every week and she always used to be late, the least I could do was cover for her in her absence. Every Monday morning I used to wonder how hard it must have been for her to maintain her kid, family, and work at the age of 21.

I felt that what we undergo in our life's are nothing compared to what she must have seen at this young age. people of my age sit and discuss about their new crushes, their girlfriends and their breakup's. probably she would be laughing to herself to see immature people like us.

It had been more than a month now and I had digested the fact and that their was nothing that could be done until one fine Monday morning, I found her weeping very badly in her desk she was accompanied by a couple of girls. I wondered what had been wrong. Rashmi never shared anything personal to me and I had no talking terms with her in these matters.

Her husband was dead. I found out in the lunch break. her life was ruined I felt like somebody just punched my abdomen hard. I couldn't eat, I felt terrible for her. I was just wishing that somebody tells me it was a joke, It wasn't. At the age of studying she was married and at the age of getting married, she is a widow. life sucks, I know but why her of all the people in this world. she had began her life very early and now it ended before she could realize the reality.

A week later it was the last day of the training period. she was their, everybody shared and expressed what a wonderful time and fun they had in this sixty days. Soon it was her turn to share, she looked like she would faint any minute. she just walked down to the stage. she looked down at the flore, I could see tears in her eyes; she was fighting it hard. "I am in no mood to say anything" she started, her voice was still commanding and sweet but had no life "I am also aware that I may not get another chance to speak after today. I just want to thank Mr prashanth and all my group mates for their help and support. and I also want to thank Prajwal for being a very good friend of mine". she had mentioned my name. she walked fast to her place and held her head down for the rest of the time.

today two months and two weeks later,
I still wonder who is to be blamed. was it her fate, or the god for being so cruel, or is it her husband to be careless to drive after being drunk and ending up dead.
I feel it was their parents, her parents who got her married when she didn't know what marriage and commitments meant, and they are gonna weep the rest of their life looking at their daughters life which they spoiled themselves.



Article by
Prajwal K V